After launching WHOW – Windows Helping Other Widows – last year, Marion Rattray says the group is still evolving, but its purpose is becoming clearer.

“There’s quite a few widows in our church,” Rattray says. “And all of a sudden I was one of them.”

Following the loss of her husband, she felt a calling to create a space where widows could find connection and mutual support.

The group held its inaugural meeting late last year, welcoming an initial circle of 10 women.

Early sessions centred on sharing stories, bringing photos of husbands and talking openly about grief. For Marion, the experience was still raw and very personable.

As the months passed, she noticed something.

Women who had been widowed for many years found revisiting grief wasn’t always helpful.

“It took them back to grieving,” she says. “And they’d finished their grieving.”

That realisation became a turning point. WHOW has gradually shifted towards a more relaxed, friendship-focused approach – still grounded in shared understanding, but lighter in tone.

The new atmosphere is simple and welcoming: tea, coffee, biscuits and conversation, sometimes even games from the church cupboard. The emphasis is on companionship – women supporting one another face to face.

“They say men talk shoulder to shoulder, but women talk face to face,” says. “If they have problems, they can ask around in the group and just be there for each other.”

While WHOW is not a formal counselling service, Rattray is mindful that some women may need additional support. 

A qualified counsellor has previously spoken to the group, and Rattray can help connect members with local professional grief counselling services if needed.

Her hope for the group is that widows, whether newly bereaved or many years on, feel welcome and accepted.

“I just hope it’ll be there for widows – whether they’ve been widows a long time or a short time – and that they find some friendship there they might not find outside.”

For anyone hesitant about attending: “Just come along. We’ve all been there. We don’t bite,” she said. 

WHOW meets at 2pm on the third Thursday of each month in the lecture hall at Kiama Uniting Church.

New members are welcome.